


Photo-synthesis

by Empressing



Category: Togainu no Chi
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Photographer, M/M, Modeling, Older Characters, Photography, Plants, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:36:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empressing/pseuds/Empressing
Summary: 23 year old Rin is a photographer. He was in love with one his favorite models: Akira. But when Akira marries his best friend Keisuke, Rin has to accept his broken heart. But at the wedding, Rin meets an eccentric botanist whom he feels a connection with.





	1. Bad Joke

**Author's Note:**

> screaming

 

                                                                                                                    **Rin**

Akira had rejected me without even knowing it. He had been one of my main models for my more art centered photographs for 3 years now. I was madly in love with him, but when I looked out my studio window, I saw him holding hands with his best friend. My heart sank into my stomach, I had been reading too much into his kindness towards me. I suspected this for a while, but I was in a deep state of denial. He was in love with his childhood best friend, the one who had disliked me from the get-go, Keisuke. I couldn’t let him know how upset I was by this, I thought for sure he liked me back. He would put his hands on my hips and blush when I flirted with him. I sighed and picked out the camera I would be using today. The soft focus older camera would be the one. I set up the marbled background, placed my camera on the tripod and waited for Akira to ascend up to me. When he arrived he gave me his same greeting that he always does. That’s when I noticed the thing that really made me feel like an idiot…

 The silver ring on his right hand.

How long had he and Keisuke been dating? Holy shit I was stupid. Silly me, thinking a boy I loved would actually liked me back! I made a sour face and turned away to give the bachelor’s degree in photography I had on the wall next to my desk a look of mistrust.

“What is your problem?” Akira said bluntly. Oh, I loved that about him, he was so to the point and honest.

“Nothing, just a bad night’s sleep.” I said as a fantasy of him flinging off that ring and sweeping me into a passionate kiss invaded my mind. I shook my head and turned to him. He and I were exchanging conversation of poses and object holding. I was saying words, I was getting pictures of his beauty. But I was having a reel of all my sexual and romantic fantasies involving him going through my mind. It was like I was mentally burning the thoughts of him. _He doesn’t want you, he’ll never want you._

The session must have ended because Akira spoke to me,

“Hey, I have a question for you.” Akira said happily,

“What is it?” _My love._

“Can you pictures for Keisuke’s and I’s commitment ceremony? I can pay you.” Akira said, reaching over and into his jacket pocket. I considered it, Akira has to have friends, right? Maybe I can find someone else worth photographing; not only that, but it would cram it in this tiny blond brain of mind: _He loves Keisuke, he doesn’t love you._

“What’s the date and time?” I question,

“February 14th, late afternoon ceremony, night time reception.” I almost snap my expensive filter.

“Valentine’s day? A bit much don’t you think?” How would I know? Akira would never allow me to bask in the light of his love to receive such information. Akira shrugs,

“Keisuke did it the planning, I have very little to do with it. He’s the romantic one.” I plug my laptop in and place the SD card in the reader. Akira was clenching a fat envelope full of cash. The pictures were uploading, and I was thinking about how much I wanted a filled donut. Anything but Akira right now. I looked at the cash and then ditched the casting call for models that I was supposed to go to on the 14th. There would be another 3 weeks later, so it wasn’t like it mattered.

“Yeah, I can do it. Where is it?” I hungrily accept the cash.

“You know that old mansion outside of town that is now a historical site? The ceremony is going to be in the garden, the reception inside.” Thank god, lots of space for me to take pictures of things that are not Akira.

“Alright. I’ll be there around 4:30.” Akira gives me a slight smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

“Perfect, thank you.” Akira leans over and touches my shoulder. He is happy, happier than I have ever seen him. I am heartbroken, but I try my hardest to fake it. “Where are these pictures going again?” Akira says, putting his jacket and shoes back on,

“The _floraison prétentieuse_ on the upper side of town.” My Japanese tongue butchers the French. My work was going to be one of only 3 photographers featured, the rest of the artists would be painters and sculptures. It would be in the rich part of Toshima. I lived in the lower middle class area. Despite being a fairly successful photographer, I still had to check myself often to make sure I was managing my money well enough to afford my two bedrooms. Akira lived in the upper middle class area, this was due to Keisuke being a co-manager at a small engineering business and Akira’s semi-successful career as model. They were able to pool their money together enough to afford a condo. My dear Akira wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. He was beautiful, but not in the conventional way. He had incredibly sharp facial features instead of the preferred softer, rounder features of usual mainstream models. I had been criticized before for using him, but my colleagues didn’t understand me.

 “Great. Keisuke and I will go there before our resort trip.” Akira almost darts for the door, I don’t get the privilege of speaking to him anymore. I sit down and open up photoshop. I start going through my pictures. They are garbage.

* * *

 

 The sun and the mountains are starting to flirt. These pictures will be great. I step out of my car. My camera is around my neck, all my expensive lens are on it. I grab my trip pod and bag. I take in the mansion. A beautiful late 18th century Britain home made of red stone with gold trim and 10 floors. I start heading into the venue. The garden is in the back, when I reach the gate, the guard looks at me in shook,

“You’re Akira’s photographer!” He says, too excited for nothing. 

“I’m Rin, yep.”

“Oh, it must be so special to see your muse get married.” He says in a dreamy tone, he dials in the code to let me in.

“He’s special.” I walk in on the cobblestone path, around the foundation in the front and into the building. I enter and see a center piece statue of a tiger wearing a crown. There is a double stair case with red carpet wrapping up into the above floors. The floor is made of white marble with generous amounts of gold and silver woven in the rock. There are pillars that are the same way. There are some paintings on all sides of the room, but they of long dead nobility. There are people around dressed well, but blandly. Me with my fur lined leather jacket and dark red jeans are out of place. But I am certain the grooms don’t care. I head out back to find Akira and Keisuke waiting for me with a few others around them. They don’t notice me at first. I walk towards them.

“Rin. ~” Keisuke speaks. He and the other bridal party members are wearing suits. Akira is the only exception; his suit is dull gunmetal silver instead of black.  I plaster a happy smile on my face. “I am happy to see you.” Keisuke’s voice is so damn soft, I am finding it hard to be bitter towards him. He doesn’t love Akira to intentionally hurt me. He has loved Akira for a small eternity. Is the universe telling me his relief is worth my pain?

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Keisuke then suddenly gives me a timid hug. He is bridging the gap between us; the war is over. Our countries can be united now. This is a defeat I have to accept. I hug him back half-heartedly. That is when I notice Akira isn’t focused on us, he is talking to someone, but I can’t make them out. Akira turns and sees me, that is when the figure is revealed.

He is a very foreign looking man with pale skin and an expressionless face. I am struck by him. Everyone else here is very Japanese looking. Even I who is only half Japanese. He is European. He has a strong square jaw, defined nose, dull blue eyes, and light brown hair. He is wearing the same nice clothes everyone else, but still looks out of place. He is a little taller than me. I like how it makes me feel small again. I am confused as to who he is. Akira had never mentioned a foreign friend before. Keisuke smiles brightly when he sees Akira and the man. He and Akira engaged some sort of romantic nonsense. I am staring at the man and he is looking right back.

 “Ah Rin, this is Nano. He’s our friend.” Keisuke walks over to Nano and presents him to me. Nano, that is your name. Usually I have a type, both times I have been in love they were the same type of guy. This Nano, he makes my breathing hitch, but he is totally different from the usual. _He’s the break needed._ My inner voice speaks, and I only somewhat understand. I herd everyone into position and set up my tripod. I get beautiful pictures of Nano and Akira’s hair glowing with the white light of the setting winter sun. No lighting can make Keisuke’s dull hair look good. There are 2 other guys, whom Keisuke also informs are friends of theirs. But I couldn’t care less once my eyes had feasted upon Nano. I’m a photographer, my entire existence is visual, and I had already basked in the visually stimulating parts of this ordeal.

I looked at the aisle. I solemnly walked down it and put my tripod a few feet away from the nearest groomsman. Nano was one man away from me. I bitterly decided to take some pictures of him for myself and just give the basic photos Akira had paid me for. It was the least that silver haired idiot could do after leading me on for so long. I fixed the range of the camera and focused on Nano. Snap. It was good, but I did noticed him looking at the camera slightly. It was all well that he was watching me, I did plan to ask him more questions about himself once I isolated him from Akira and Keisuke. The alter itself was bland, generic, and uninspired, just like Keisuke. This was no way to marry a man like Akira. That fucking white arc with flowers it in and the petals everywhere. I understand why Akira didn’t ask me, he knows I would have told him to not do this.

 Akira and Keisuke walk down the isle together, Keisuke of course is more radiant about the matter than his groom is. Everyone else seems to be happy or at least really good at faking it. I take 5 pictures of the rising of the guests and their walk together. Everyone is glowing with approval, that is everyone except Nano and me. I take a picture of them once they are standing across from each other under the alter. I then take some time to blank out Akira and Keisuke’s vows. I really don’t care what is it said between them, none of this matters to me anymore. I am swimming in the sea of my own self induced pain. God what was that thing that Shiki had said to me? _Your looks don’t matter because men will always be looking for someone who isn’t difficult and suicidal in his ambition. You’ll always be alone, better get fucking used to it._

 I take a moment to give my eyes a show of Nano. I am trying to read him but finding it damn near impossible. He is standing on Keisuke’s side, I don’t even understood how either of them are friends with this Nano. He looks completely disinterested in them period, let alone them as a martial unit. But I must admit I am happy he is here, he is sweet relief. When I am distracted by thoughts of all the glorious pictures I could take of him, I forget where I am. I forget about the boy who doesn’t love me. I look at Nano’s hands, he is not wearing a ring of any kind. I wonder if he likes men too. I wonder just how stupid I am.

 The little bell hanging from the alter chimes and people rise to throw bird seed. I take a picture of the grooms kissing, a picture of them running back down the aisle and many more of just general excitement. Everyone runs back inside for the reception; the sun is gone. I am with the regular security garden lights and I dismount my camera, sitting down through the pictures. I have enough memory on this chip to continue with 20 more images. I am doing this when I notice movement and I perk my head up in alert. Nano hasn’t gone back inside, why? He looks at me and then sits next to me. Then he holds out his hand, it is full of bird seed. The lingering birds come over and take is directly out of his hand. Okay, whatever. That same atmosphere remains for a minute. What the fuck am I doing? Why do I care if these pictures are great? I should have never have fucking came. I put my camera down and then glance over to see Nano giving me an intense stare. It spooks me.

“Jesus Christ, I’m not that pretty.” I try to joke with a half hearted smile, he observes me like a specimen for a minute. Before speaking,

“What are you doing?” He says, rather innocently.

“Oh, I’m taking pictures! That’s what I get paid to do.” He leans over a bit,

“No, why are you trying to miss this event?” He says and I look at him confused. How did he read me so well? How did he know what was I thinking and feeling?

“I’m not missing it! I am just viewing it through the world of the lens.” I pick my camera and show him some of the pictures I took. We arrive at the image of him I took before the grooms walked down the aisle. He touches the screen gently.

“Why would one choose to take a picture of a stranger over their muse of a lifetime?” I am choked for words. He and I exchange an intense stare. In that moment something scares me. I tell him everything without opening my mouth: _I once loved Akira and you are a great distraction from the shitshow that is my life._ But even more frightening than that, he responds: _I’m not part of this world, I don’t belong here. Akira keeps me around because he feels rightfully bad._ I nod and then blurb something out,

“I would rather be dead.” Only he hears it, but I still feel embarrassment. This stranger has just ripped me apart. I’m 23 years old with no long term romantic partner and about 350.000 yen worth of debt for my degree. I have just had my heart shattered by the love of my life. I should be made of fucking steel. But here is Nano, making me feel a double whammy of my homosexual sadness. He puts his hand on my head and pets me, I hang my head in shame.

“Hey, Rin and Nano! You guys making friends out here?!” Keisuke says, chipper. Nano takes his hand off me and I smile at Keisuke.

“Yeah! We were just taking a breather…” Nano moves his eyes slowly between Keisuke and I. Keisuke sits to me on the edge of the chair.

“I want to see the pictures you took.” Keisuke says and it feels like a threat. Does he fucking doubt me after all this time? _After your boring ass somehow still got Akira._ Nano makes a quiet breathing sound. I force a smile and hold my camera as he scrolls through. “Why did you take a picture of Nano?” Keisuke ask just as innocently as Nano himself had. Is his beauty clear to no one but me?

 “Just trying something.” I say, not really hiding my aggression that time. Keisuke gives me a weary look and then looks over at Nano.

“Look Rin, you don’t have to develop those pictures. Akira and I won’t be offended.” He says, offering me a lifeline. “We don’t really need pictures of this day. Our most precious memories exist in our minds.” Keisuke says, he is being nothing but warm towards me. I feel nothing but ice for him. Keisuke seems to have let go, I envy him. He isn’t a vengeful or hateful person. He is pure and loving, soft and non-threatening. I envious of him suddenly. Keisuke gestures to Nano, “Nano has been our friend for a long time, he is a good person, just a bit weird.” He is nudging me in the direction of Nano. Is he trying to play matchmaker right now? Wait, is it too much that I think he is? Ugh. There an awkward silence until Keisuke smiles warmly at Nano and speaks softly to his friend, “Hey Nano, why don’t you get something to eat inside? Akira made sure we had something for you. Since you’ve been nothing but good to us.” Nano silently got up and left, I watched him leave. His legs were killing me. I was unsure of what to say. Keisuke then sighed and touched my leg, “Look Rin I know what it has been like between us-“

“What? You undermining me at every turn because you’re such a jealous and possessive throwaway?” I glared but he doesn’t flinch. Why the hell would he? He has nothing to lose or be afraid of. I’m the disposable one. Akira is a semi-famous alt model and I am sure he could find another photographer if his pissbaby new husband wanted him too. Keisuke shakes his head, 

“Oh Rin, I understand you better than you know. I did some crazy stuff because of my pent up feelings for years.” Keisuke squeezes my leg and looks at me sincerely, “You’re right, I am possessive, and I was jealous, but it was nothing personal. You could have been anybody, Rin. If anything, you made me feel stupid for not realizing Akira liked guys and girls both sooner…”

“None of this matters anymore, you have him, Keisuke. I surrender. He’s got agency, if he wanted me, he would have asked me to be his long ago. He isn’t like us, we’re fucking wishy-washy.” It felt weird to say it out loud, but I really believed it. I was being a dick to Keisuke, but really if the love of your life asked you to be with him forever, who the hell would say no? Keisuke really didn’t owe me anything in this regard. Akira was a grown ass man. Keisuke looked thoughtful before perking up, I speak before he can do whatever he is about to do,” Look, I won’t be hairy about the situation. You’ll get your pictures, I can and will let go.” Keisuke smiles brightens up even more.

“Great, now I wanted to talk to you about Nano.” Keisuke was playing matchmaker. Not exactly how I envisioned him, but hey, the change of tone was welcomed. “Nano, he…oh man, I don’t know if it’s okay to say. Even though everybody knows…” Keisuke seemed thoughtful before continuing without much certainty if he should say the whole truth. “Actually, I’m going to give Nano the right to tell you if he sees fit. Not my place! Look, I’m unsure if Nano is into guys, but maybe you give him a shot?” Keisuke reached into his coat pocket and handed me a business card: _Garden of N, Professional Botany._ Along with a phone number and an address.

“Oh yeah, I’m just going to show up to his place of business randomly.” _Oh Nano, who I only know from a wedding, please fuck my blond asshole._ I wasn’t that cheap or desperate. Keisuke chuckled,

“No, talk to him about your photography! He isn’t into the entertainment or art worlds. But I’m sure he’d let you take pictures of his numerous plants.”

“Why did you give to me? Since when the hell do you play cupid?” Keisuke looked down and spoke softly,

“I care about Nano’s wellbeing. The past 4 years have not been kind and he doesn’t have anyone like you in his life.” Keisuke stood up, “Besides, I owe you for getting rid of Shiki.” Oh yes, I can extinguish the fires of my brother like no other. Akira rounded the bend of chairs and found us.

“Come on, both of you. It’s fucking cold.” Akira let out a breath, grabbed my camera supplies and followed the newlyweds back inside. Keisuke and Akira started to talk, they then walked away from me. I looked around, I decided to forgo the tripod for the rest of the night. I took some candid photos of the guests before looking for Nano. I was searching, but that man had seemingly vanished. That is when I looked above and saw him peering over a ledge from the split staircase. He was just scanning everybody as though he were observing fish swim. I jotted to the base of the staircase, then walked up the stairs. I stood on the step below him,

“Hey.” He turned his head to me and how piercing his eyes are struck me for the second time tonight. “What you doin’ up here?”

“Is love any more genuine because you have a party for it? If so, should such a party be big, or can it be silent between two people?” Damn, all this was making him jaded.

“Well depends on the people! I would say Keisuke has been in love for a long time, so he just explodes with excitement!” Nano leans a little closer to observe me.

“What about you? Where is your ring?” Ha, he has me fucking pegged from the get-go. Am I really such an open book?

“I’m not married, no boyfriend, no anything. Just a shitty flutter brained brother I see every so often.” _I’m available._

“To experience the unrequited is better then to have never felt at all.” He looks away and seems to watch Akira. Who, as usually, sticks out from everybody else in the room below. I wait a few minutes for more before stepping up and putting my hand on his shoulder,

“Look, Keisuke said you were a botanist. I was wondering if we could make arrangements for me to photograph some of your plants? First session is considered a trial and is free.” That was a lie, but I doubted he cared. When the photographer wanted to fuck you, you could get whatever you wanted. He looked over at me, I was smiling at him. God his fucking jaw, I wanted to touch myself,

“My plants are sensitive.” Okay, so what?

“My camera is very expensive, top of the line. Nothing will happen to your plants.” He seems to consider for a moment. I cannot read this guy; does he think I’m cute or not?

“What is it for?”

“An art project, don’t worry. I’ll show you the whole process. Need new muses, the human market is garbage right now.” Nano seems skeptical of me,

“Plants are something I am fond of. I have been wanting to show someone new my life’s work.” There is a hint of joy in that monotone during that sentence.

“What time works for you? I don’t know how busy botanists are.”  I glow.

“You may come by next weekend at your convenience. Those are the days in which it is only me in the gardens.”  My heart thumped loudly.

“Sure! Nobody is open on Saturdays anyways! I have your business card, but I’ll be sure to call!” I don’t let him say another word as I trot down the stairs in excitement. The rest of the night doesn’t matter, it all feels like another business transaction. I am grateful.


	2. Dubious Gardenia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gardens are what trigger homosexual desires in Nano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently started replaying the game with a friend of mine. It reminded me of my dislike for Keisuke.

              

                                                                                                                                 **Rin**

I was scrolling through the pictures I had taken at a floor shop nearby. Flowers needed shallow depth of field to be clean and beautiful. Turn down the ISO for water, no flash ever…why did cameras even have flash, it looked like garbage. But what about multiple flowers? Oh man would I have to blown it out too much in order for it not to look like a blob of color? I set my camera on my desk. I look through some of the work of my colleagues, oh god why do we never list our camera setting and filters? This picture had to be taken on manual, it’s too perfect. Do I ever want to deal with manual for something as trivial flowers? Is a bit blurry an aesthetic? God, Toki, why does anyone pay for you for photos? All your photos of people look demonic. Why the fucking middle school portraits marble background for _engagement_ photos of all things? Who was I kidding? I didn’t give half a fuck about the color composition of flowers. I closed my laptop and looked out of the window. I could faintly see my own reflection. A natural yellow blond with Asian features, how many times do you come across that?

I thought of Nano. Well more specifically how I touched myself to the thought of him the night of the wedding. I realized I hadn’t masturbated in literally weeks at that point. Too sad to let loose even a little, I guess. I also hadn’t actually had sex with anyone in literally years. The two times I’d been in love, both wanted someone else. Kazui wanted his cheap whore and Akira wanted his plain-o best friend. I know exactly why he had made that decision: Keisuke was easy, a sure thing, no risk involved. A guarantee low difficulty romance for Akira.  Haha, Akira had made the right call, though. I am not worth the fucking shit I put my “boyfriends” through. Men ran because they sensed something was very off about me. They were right, I was the ex-boyfriend from hell when I was in my teens. The last boyfriend I had was when I was 19 and I threw his shit out the window because he told me he only liked me because he could easily pretend I was a girl.

 I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret. I once found a guy who had been hitting on me was married to a woman. When I worked in a bar as an 18-year-old, the manager only hired me because my androgynous look and dainty, feminine-leaning face really made the men believe that were less gay because I wasn’t some manly man. But ultimately it was for nothing. When it came to love, men typically wanted someone more masculine for ‘real’ relationship purposes. _Too feminine. Where are your muscles? Men should have more body hair._ I leaned forward and opened up the picture of Nano I took from the wedding night. He is nice looking. Or maybe I am just over the monotony of permed straight jet-black hair, nude lipsticks, thick layers of pale BB creams and white ‘street fashion’ sneakers. Does it matter, really? I feel excited to meet someone new and go somewhere new. Who is even to say I am not just as boring? I just spent the past 4 days matting and framing 16" x 20"s of a wedding I didn’t have the balls to say no to going to. Saying very little to anyone, all my relationships were worth not a damn thing. I look over at the Garden of N card on my desk. I pull out my phone and dial in the number.

“Hello?” A tiny female voice says, of course he has a secretary. He’s a botanist, a real useful member of society. Not some hipster fuck who thinks he’s special because he takes great wedding photos and is a natural blond.

“I’m Rin from Empire Studios, I am calling about coming over tomorrow for photos of his garden?” She makes a sound of confusion before putting me on hold. I waited a few minutes before she came back on the line.

“I just went and spoke with him, he says it is still alright with him. He wants to come after hours though. Anytime after 6 is good, it will be just him though….” She says that like that isn’t what I want. I have no interest in having a ‘buffer’ between he and I. I actually want to fucking try to have a connection to this guy.

“Great! Tell him I’ll be there at 6:45 or so!” I hang up before she can let out the stupid shit she so desperately wants to say. I say 6:45 because Garden of N, is not garden singular. It’s gardens, 6 different giant greenhouses outside of the city. His website says that he owns it with 2 other botanists. Each assigned to 2 different gardens and the responsibility of 4 different employees per greenhouse. Yes, I invaded him because I need to know what I am dealing with. The place was named after him and I wondered why.  I would have to ask.

* * *

 

It took me 50 minutes to drive out there. Great, my app fucking lied. I was getting spooked by the open nothingness. God, I loved the chaos of the city, kept my head on straight. I slowly roll up the dirt road that leads to the office of Nano. I park and step out. It’s getting dark, I didn’t even ask if these greenhouses are artificially lit. I get my camera bag out of the back seat and head to the building, he is standing outside waiting for me. His wearing a white lab coat and he is spooky. I look in his face to be reassured this is Nano.

“Hello.” I say gently, afraid to quiver in the night air even a little. He looks me up and down.

“You are here. Come with me.” I follow obediently down a cobblestone path going through the grassy fields lining the countryside. Fuck, these pictures are going to look like horror movie shots with the artificial greenhouse lightening. It doesn’t matter, these are just test run shots and then he has to pay me for my time if the ‘chemistry’ is right. I must have too much faith in a guy I have just met. But there is something innocent about Nano that attracts me to him. After all, he has surely only heard about me in short hand from Akira. He wasn’t part of the pro-modeling or pro-photography scenes. He was a fucking scientist, someone who is often considered the literal opposite of the citizens of my world. An intellectual, someone who cares more about plant health and mathematics than the vapidity of art. As we approached a giant greenhouse and he stuck his hand in his pocket to retrieve his keys; I thought about why being romantic with a scientist might be a good thing. His job was of actual value and I was sure I could be interested in soil Ph if it was him saying it.

He picks the key from his ring and opens the door, I step inside and he turns on the lights. As they flicker on, even with these shitty fluorescents, this greenhouse is huge and alive with color. There is an entire rainbow of several different flowers to the left of me and to the right of me a full garden is growing. It does not have any fruits or vegetables in it because it is winter time. Even with the humidifiers going, it’s still far too cold for food to grow. I forget this Nano’s doing and I do manage to forget where I am. So, when the botanist touches my arm it spooks me, and I look at him.

“I’m sorry this is just too amazing, how are the flowers alive this time of year?”

“They live because of my irrigation and the artificial humidity. Buds require much less sun and heat than edible seed carriers such as peppers.” _Edible seed carriers._ I giggled, that was such a delightfully over the top thing to say. He acted as thought he had never ate a garden fresh salad in his life. He guided me over the first row of flowers, specifically to the brilliant red flowers. They looked like roses but different,

“Are they roses?” I asked, he almost fucking glared at me for suggesting it.

   “No, roses are wasteful and played out. I do not bother with water wasters who can teach me nothing.” I put my hands up in surrender,

“I know how to use cameras and set up studios, I don’t know shit about flowers.” I set up my tripod and he watched me carefully. He was making sure I didn’t do anything to harm the flowers. I put my camera on the tripod, put it in aperture focus and attached the cable release. I put the lens on manual and made sure it was in focus. I then stood back and pressed the button, I looked at the picture. Out of focus, again, out of focus…what was my problem? I usually didn’t have this issue to this extreme. I moved the camera back and adjusted the aperture higher. Snap. There we go! That’s when I notice Nano has silently moved behind me, he spooks me again when I brush up against him. “You have to warn me! This is a 164,332.50 yen camera with an 87,644.00 yen lens attached to it! Be careful!” I assert. He makes a face like he doesn’t care in the slightest. Why would he? Cameras were just hunks of metal, glass, and plastic. All replaceable: the plants weren’t. Once something was dead, it was dead and there no coming back.

 “Over here.” He leads me a bit further down the column to the orange flowers. They are like a star on this dark winter’s night. I am repulsed by their lack of meaning, at least yellow is for happiness. We continue silently on the same trend until we reach the purple flowers. At this point, I am tired and bored. But when I lift my head Nano holds out his hand,

“What is it?” I ask,

“I want to try that.” What? Is he seriously asking me if he can play with my expensive camera? But the way he is looking at me. I somehow don’t feel the urge to say no. It’s like his eyes are sucking me in. _Can I trust you?_ I hold out my remote and he gently takes it from my hand. The button softly clicks as he observes the camera that is fixed on purple orchids. I look at the picture, it was a fine a picture. Not great, but I personally didn’t care. I was getting tired and wanted to go home. He handed me back my shutter release and I picked my things back up. I walked back towards the front of the garden to put my camera back in the bad. He quietly watches me and I breath out a sigh. When I stand back up he is close to me, careful eyes are watching me. I can’t read his face,

“Okay so I just use the email on the card, right?”

“Are you alone?” What the fuck?

“No, there are 4 other photographers at my studio.” I say, but somehow, I sensed that isn’t want he was asking. He is quiet again and I decide to make my uncomfortable escape. I walk to the door and smile at him, “Just tell me if you like them and I’ll price you, alright?” He is still staring at me blankly and then wordlessly walks over to a plot and pulls a small flower from it that is within a small brown pot. I wait and he then approaches me with the flower in hand, “What is it?” the flower is a gardenia, oh man. I look at him with an inquisitive look,

“I don’t know how to care for a plant like this.” He pulls the plant back to him and speaks to me,

“Merely a gesture.” He looks disappointed and I decided taking care of a plant couldn’t be that hard. I sigh,

“Give it to me.” It is almost immediately set in my open hand and I finally make out of there.

* * *

 

                                                                                                               **Nano**

The lawyer told me I was not permitted to sign the divorce finalization until my soon to be ex-wife was present. I was looking around this plain brown room and this unfavorably ugly table with uncomfortable chairs. I was almost anxious to sign them, I wanted to finally be separated from her forever. They were together for 2 years and married for 7 years, a year of which she had spent having an affair.  She had known the consequences of marrying a man 7 years older than herself. I had loved her to the point of being able to look past our maturity differences. I had been happy to get married to her and at 27 I had felt like I was ready to have a forever mate. I had thought that even if she hadn’t fully matured, she had had potential. She was 20, beautiful and intelligent; but most of all she had fully accepted me. That bright-eyed, cold fox of a woman had caught his eye since she was the tender age of 18. She had even switched over schools to continue her relationship with me at one point. I had felt somewhat happy for a long time. It was around the 5th year of our marriage that things started to fall apart. She had been complaining about children. I with her fought because Emma had always known I was sterile and I could never give her children; the issue of children had been one of their pre-negotiated things before getting married. She had been fine with it before, saying she really never wanted children anyways. I wondered what caused her to change her mind on the matter, he felt betrayed. By the 6th year, I began to think I didn’t know my wife anymore. The issue of having kids was the catalyst to her dramatic personality change. She had always been affectionate with me, even when both of the honeymoon periods of their relationship had ended.  She was cold, unfeeling and selfish. I began feeling like I was now married to a body double who looked exactly like my wife but was nothing like her.

 I remembered the day I caught her cheating. She had been seeing Gwen for nearly a year, an ongoing affair. It explained all her weird late-night trips and prolonged out of the town stays. I had caught them having sex in her office. Her skirt was torn and taunt over her hips, he was slamming into her like a fish out of water. I had damn near laughed because her infidelity made perfect sense in that moment for some reason. I had stormed out of there, piled all her stuff in front of the door of the condo. I told her I was filing for divorce and had already phoned the landlord to get her name off the condo, as well as change the locks. The locks were changed the next week and I had gotten her name off the lease quickly as well. The landlord did it so quickly because when he called Emma she told him she didn’t give a damn. The landlord had felt bad for me, calling our breakup a tragedy _I really believed in you two because you made it past the first 3 years_. It wasn’t a tragedy for Emma, she had moved into Gwen’s dinky home on the other side of town in a matter of a week. Within a few months the divorce had begun, by the start of the next year she was pregnant and our separation was to be final. I heard the door click open and I saw the liar walk in. She had a bump of 5 months of pregnancy. I remembered the date, had I really been apart from her for a year and half? I snatched the pen from the lawyer’s side and signed the papers quickly. The lawyer looked wide-eyed for a moment before turning the papers to Emma. She struggled with her belly in the way, but got it done. I stood wordlessly to leave before she called out to him,

“That’s it?! You have no final words for me?!” I thought for a moment before turning to the despicable Gwen and the hideous monster who now had replaced Emma.

“I have no words for you, you are a waste of my breath.” I informed her coldly before turning slightly to make eye contact Gwen, “As for you…you should know you are not the exception…she will take all she can from you and then throw you away…she will grow bored of you, even I grow bored even looking at you…you are utterly pathetic but have you have your uses…I do not feel anything for you, you make your own fate…once she had depleted what you have…well…you will find yourself in the chair I have just sat in...” Their faces dropped, and I left, keeping my promise to say nothing of grandness to Emma. I did have things I could say but it was a waste of time, she didn’t care ultimately, and it wouldn’t affect her in any meaningful way. I made my way into the deep grey overcast day.

   The sky was threatening to open up but didn’t on his way home to his condo. I had shared this space with her, but I had changed the layout so much that it almost felt like that time hadn’t existed. I had painted the walls a warm shade of caramel brown and had wood flooring put in. I had always hated the white carpets but never mentioned it. I had soft, black furniture put in and had the old white leather pieces thrown out. There were now hard wood book shelves in place of where her entertainment things had been, including the TV. The ceiling lamps were now dark blue inside of the ugly gold she had had. I had the stair case to my room refinished and a king-sized bed with a plain frame put up there. The kitchen was now dark in tone like I always wanted as well. Some plants were sitting in various corners and the balcony was now fitted with a lock and curtain. It was like she had never existed here and I was relieved for it.

 My two cats came running down the steps, one was white and had amber eyes with brown tips on ends of ears and tail. The other was an all-black with bright blue eyes and bit more muscular. They came and rubbed up against me, meowing. I didn’t know why; their food dispenser was full. I pet them and I guessed they were just happy to see me. I had not had picked them out but had found them by accident in the streets. I had taken them home and they had never left. I found their tiny, simplistic existences comforting. Their names were Kony and Asa, Kony the cat of brown and white. Asa the flower eater. I had named them because it meant I could keep better track of them. I picked up Asa who was begging with his round, full eyes. He purred and rubbed up into my chin. I opened my laptop up and noticed I had received an email from Rin. His business has a name, but I am more interested in him than his photography. His photographs are good, but it is him I want to be around. I do not know how to tell him I wish to be around him in a casual place. Akira’s wedding had been bad for me, I did not want to go. I knew the marriage with Keisuke was not meant to last. Keisuke was childish and possessive. But it was the pain on Rin’s face that had made me connect with him. He hated seeing Akira marry, I had hated it too. I knew he nested alongside me. I look at his rates, no wonder he is broke, he is much undercharging for his work. Then again, people are cheap and likely do not want to pay artists of any kind fairly. This is why I never became an author.

I have not been with someone since Emma left. I do not think I have ever properly dated either, it simply just happened. Hands of fate. But how arrogant am I? Assuming someone with his youth and brashness would consider me. I am a shell of a man. No relationships of any kind. Keisuke considers himself to be my friend, but that is just to make himself feel better. Besides, the life of a photographer is probably much more exuberating than my 5 day a week muddling around a garden. I have had my job for 6 years and I have yet to do anything noteworthy. Science is such a bore after college. I almost miss being a naïve 20-year-old in the biochemistry lab dropping different acids on the leaves of exotic flowers.

But for Rin, would I consider all the possibilities? Is he the type to refuse such a gesture? I would have no monetary value to him. I not only would never let him take pictures of me; I am European in ancestry and no Japanese modeling industry in their right mind would accept his pictures. Not to mention just the way I look in general, I am not a very attractive person. I close my computer and decide that I’m not hungry enough for lunch. I would rather sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just created the nano/rin tag. I am truly going where no fan has ever wanted nor needed to go. Isn't everybody glad I'm here? 
> 
> Truly Iconic right here.


End file.
